The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Dr Who
23:53 Mar 26 2007
Times Read: 733

I've just found out that the new series of Doctor Who is on at 7pm on Saturday. I'm very happy now and tough to those who wanted to go out for dinner.

More From The Depths Of The Neurotic’s Mind
23:35 Mar 26 2007
Times Read: 734


Wild Party Of One

I’ve got the house to myself tonight and no one warned me in advance so no visitors this time. Mum’s at the Lionel Riche concert, David’s at his girlfriend’s house (haven’t seen him since Friday and that was only because I dropped into Otherside) and Dad is where he always is.



On a better note, I spoke to him tonight. Still not quite sure where we stand but here’s one quote from the conversation: “you ARE paranoid, dear, an annoying trait in an otherwise wonderful girl.” Hopefully that is a good sign.



Surprise! More Books

I went out to a couple of charity shops today and, as usual, returned with numerous books. This time, though, I actually found one that may help me pass the year at university.



Jobs

My Aunt had an interview for a job today. She starts tomorrow. I’m glad she’s got something sorted out, even if it is only temporary.



My mum has sort of arranged a summer job for me in the Mace. Stacking shelves (I’m happy enough to do that) and serving customers (please, no). Still, money is money and I need it to pay my fees for university.



Random Thoughts And Observations

Word keeps resetting itself as US English. It’s becoming a bit of a pain changing it when I need to use it (read: everyday).



I had to put my eye liner in the fridge earlier because it’s become too soft. It’ll be interesting to see James’s face when I put my makeup in the one at Brackenhurst.



My feet are in a fair amount of pain tonight. It serves me right for continuing this attempt to break in the high heeled shoes. Also, does anyone remember what you call the material they use to make shoes that looks like PVC.



I needed to buy plasters today as there weren’t any in the house. I ended up with transparent ones which have amused me immensely.



I really want to play Laser Quest. I think I’ll need to get the gang together for a trip once I get back to England.



I’ve just realised that I’m supposed to be out tomorrow when an eBay auction ends. It’s for a dog collar and I can’t decide how much I’m willing to pay for it (since I’ll have to place a maximum bid before I go out.)



Well, that’s all for tonight. Sweet dreams, reader.

Hopes Dashed
00:45 Mar 26 2007
Times Read: 735

Having just posted the last entry I heard my phone ringing and ran to get it in case it was him. It wasn't. It was just Tina. Is it bad that I feel like crying now?

The Art Of Breaking And Being Broken
00:42 Mar 26 2007
Times Read: 736

For once I actually planned to only write a short entry. *watches everyone die of shock* The reason being that I did an entry last night and don’t have much to say about today. That plan, however, failed once I started typing so here are my thoughts on, and for, today.



The Sky Is Falling

I awoke to hear a demon throwing children out a window. At least that’s what my mind processed the noise as. It was a little preoccupied with a forgotten word and the joy we call Daylight Savings Time. Once I’d managed to draw myself back into the relatively normal world, I discovered that my Mum was taking plaster off a ceiling so it wouldn’t fall and bring the cornice down with it. Apparently she wasn’t content with having pull the plaster off all the walls in our library.



Plug In. Switch On. Boot Up. Log In.

As usual my day was spent mostly online and as usual there was a bit of a disagreement with the PC. Yesterday it didn’t want to turn on. Today it couldn’t locate a sound device. Just when I have the unbelievable desire to listen to music. After some thought (about ten seconds worth) I rebooted and it sorted itself out. At the minute I tend to be on the computer so much in the hope that I’ll get to talk to a certain person online.



Joyous Reunion Or Hatred Reignited?

I spoke to Emma G online today. Apparently in the next few weeks we’re going to have a big meet up for people we went to school with. At the minute the list looks like this: Emma G, Emma, Leanne, Helen, Ashleigh (who is pregnant), Jessica, Ashley and David. I’m sure there are others but I can’t think of them right now. And I already know I’d rather not see more than half the people on that list. That part of my life is over. The girl I was at that school is dead and I don’t want her to rise from the grave.



Beware Of Unexpected Waves

It was a bright, sunny day today (Quick! Hide!) so we took Max for a walk on the beach. He wasn’t convinced by my attempts to get him to paddle but we saw a kid complaining that the water was cold. I’m sorry, but it’s Northern Ireland and it’s March. A few sunny days will not make the water hot. I got the inspiration for a new story while there and already have most of the plot worked out. Also, I got a letter yesterday about my poetry. I’ve been selected as one of 52 poets to submit poems for a 2008 diary.



A Series Of Strange Events

The computer has just started making strange roaring noises at me and I swear someone just giggled right next to my ear. Yesterday I picked up my phone to text someone and it rang. Last week the glove box in my car opened by itself for absolutely no reason. My brother’s bedroom door did the same thing. On Friday a pile of CDs fell off my keyboard where they’ve been sitting since August. No one had been near them. These are only the events of the last few days. I’m not even going to mention everything that happened on campus.



The Heels Are Winning This War

Tonight I decided I would begin the process of teaching myself to walk in heels. *cough* Not that a certain person’s foot and shoe fetish had any influence upon the decision. *cough* I’ve always been a flat shoe kind of girl. That includes my boots since they mostly have raised soles as well. I own only two pairs of heels and decided I might as well use the pair that I bought months ago but have not worn properly. They have three inch heels and are currently pinching my toes but I’ve had them on all evening. I think I shall take them off soon. I will break them in. If they don’t break me first.



What Is Food? I’m Sure I Know The Answer To This One

I’ve just been forced to make food since I forgot the only thing I’d had all day was a slightly strange sandwich (milk chocolate spread, white chocolate spread and peanut butter – quite nice and not my strangest concoction). I haven’t actually finished what I made. All I’ll say is that I reheated what someone else had cooked and am considering selling it on eBay as an alternative building material. Also, am I the only person that eats at their computer? I find it saves so much time.



Riding For A Fail

I did some background reading for my horse management exam earlier and it occurred to me that I need to do research on the T-Team approach and revise for Bioscience incase I do have that exam on April 17th. Right now I don’t think I’m going to make it into second year even though I only need 40% in each module to pass.



Today I’m Dirty, I Want To Be Pretty

Today is the first day all week that I haven’t put on any makeup. I’m going through a feminine phase at the minute (see the part about high heels above) but I don’t really know what is driving it. I would like to say it’s part of me but I think it’s more likely that I’m trying to impress a certain person (no contact now since Wednesday). It looks like it’s become a fully-fledged crush. *blushes* God, what age am I acting?

The Nobodies – Marilyn Manson

Today I am dirty

I want to be pretty

Tomorrow, I know I'm just dirt



Today I am dirty

I want to be pretty

Tomorrow, I know I'm just dirt



Fear the nobodies

Wanna be Somebodies

We're dead,

We know just who we are



We are the nobodies

Wanna be Somebodies

We're dead,

We know just who we are



Yesterday I was dirty

Wanted to be pretty

I know now that I'm forever dirt



Yesterday I was dirty

Wanted to be pretty

I know now that I'm forever dirt



We are the nobodies

Wanna be Somebodies

We're dead,

We know just who we are



We are the nobodies

Wanna be Somebodies

We're dead,

We know just who we are



Some children died the other day

We fed machines and then we prayed

Puked up and down in morbid faith

You should have seen the ratings that day



Final Thought Of the Day

Would it be possible to use human hair to make a noose strong enough to hang someone?

A Soundtrack For A Miserable Existence
16:31 Mar 25 2007
Times Read: 738

Inspired by a friend's blog and my current urge to include song lyrics in my journal, I've compiled a list of songs that form a soundtrack for my life. (Think of lives as movies.) The frequency of a bands appearance does not indicated my preference for them. It was simply that the song was appropriate for the 'scene' I had in mind. I haven't included what each 'scene' was about but I'm sure you'll be able to guess.



Therapy - Stories

Korn - Freak On A Leash

Creed - Inside Us All

Theatres Des Vampires - While The Snow Turns Red

Green Day - Minority

I Am Ghost - We Are Always Searching

Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit

Inkubus Sukkubus - Church Of Madness

Wumpscut - Body Parts

Nickelback - One Last Run

Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Escape The Fate - There's No Sympathy For The Dead

Green Day - Paranoia

I Am Ghost - Dark Carnival Of The Immaculate

Peter Gabriel - Don’t Give Up

Fall Out Boy - 7 Minutes In Heaven

Enya - How Can I Keep From Singing?

Mediaeval Baebes - The Snake

Celtic Legend - The Boatman

Chantal Kreviazuk - Leaving On A Jet Plane

God Forbid - End Of The World

Sonata Arctica - Replica

Moonspell - Blood Tells

Trivium - This World Can't Tear Us Apart

Kittie - Brackish

I Am Ghost - Of Masques And Martyrs

Nightwish - Over The Hills And Far Away

Slipknot - Surfacing

VNV Nation - Further

Remembering Never - Suicide Hotline On Speed Dial

God Forbid - End Of the World

Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober

Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear The Reaper

Nightwish - Two For Tragedy

Wumpscut - Down Where We Belong

I Am Ghost - Our Friend Lazarus Sleeps

I Cared. Why Did You Have To Shoot Holes In My Wings?
02:36 Mar 25 2007
Times Read: 739

Today we start with the song lyrics:

Stories - Therapy

Get into the car and keep it down

City lights look like warnings now

She’s got someone that pays for things

Trust me she wont miss a thing

Come with me

And believe me

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

I get by on what I have

Less than Jesus

More than dad

Enough to keep me in this state

Ticking through to the next escape

Come with me

And believe me

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

I woke up late

And I rolled the stone

Laziness and death in one

You were once a gentleman

Ended up a bitter man

Come with me

And believe me

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Yeah (happy people have no stories)

Happy people have no stories.



Time To Summarize. Don’t Expect A Single Surprise

I don’t quite know where my head is these days. One minute I’m soaring among silver-lined clouds and the next I’m on the floor screaming in pain. I’ve been unbelievably active during the last four days and have been assaulted by every emotion possible. Cue the melodrama; I’m starting to think I should change my name to angst.



Wednesday - I couldn’t tell you a time where I felt happier or more confident. I felt wanted. It took hours for me to calm down.



Thursday - Still content from the previous day but worry was slowly starting to creep in.



Friday - Strangely down even though I knew I should be feeling happier. The worry increases.



Saturday - A few good moments but, overall, a longing for the past dwarfed almost everything else.



How Many Times Can You Visit The City Centre In One Week?

You’ll have seen my post about Wednesday so I doubt I need to say much more on that. Emma texted me on Thursday and I thus ended up in town for the second day in a row. As with the previous day, I achieved nothing. In fact I think we may have gone to two shops. I did, however, go to the Rusty Zip to try on the corset I’d looked at. It didn’t fit but I found a black one instead. (There goes another £12.) That did not help me find inspiration for the final part of Philippa’s birthday present.



We stayed in town for another few hours and then caught the bus back since there was the possibility we would be going out for dinner. Helen had texted us about it but, when we asked what she wanted to do, she said “Nothing too strenuous.” That wasn’t exactly what we meant by out question. Needless to say, nothing came of that idea.



At lunch on Friday I got a call asking if I was going up to the yard to help out with Fred. Ten minutes later my jodhpurs and boots were in my bag (there would just have been too many strange looks in town if I’d worn them in) and I was on the way to the bus stop. I eventually arrived in town at 3pm, hung out in Otherside for a while and then caught a bus to Rosetta. That bus took, instead of the projected fifteen minutes, well over half an hour. I got a call asking where I was as I approached the front gate. Talk about cutting it fine.



The bus had been full of school children screaming and messing around. I don’t know if a lot has changed in the two years since I left school, but that behaviour would have warranted phone calls to the school and lectures from the Headmaster. Then again, having our top buttons undone or our ties too short would have produced the same reaction.



Hello, This Is Now. Hello, This Is Me.

Once at the yard I helped Megan muck out and then watched as she did a schooling and jumping session with Fred. Afterwards I got on him for a few minutes. He has a really bouncy trot compared to Murphy. Speaking of my favourite grumpy gelding, they’ve hogged Murphy’s mane again but they’ve also fixed the chain in his stable.



When I got to the yard this morning, Murphy had his rug off and his bridle on. I told Megan the world had ended because he didn’t try to bite me when I was tacking up. He soon made up for that by throwing his head around so much that I couldn’t get on. Once mounted, he seemed to settle down until I tried to ride him to the far end of the school. As with last week, he stopped and refused to move until we’d negotiated for a few minutes.



Two new girls arrived to join our ride today and were nowhere near our level. I’m not saying we’re fantastic but we are the advanced ride and they would have been lucky to be classed as intermediate level riders. One girl came off and said she didn’t want to get back on. Not the best thing to say to Tom.



Finn and Anneka were messing around but overall the horses were calmer today. I knew Murphy was going to behave better as soon as we left his stable. However, Tom did tell us, “Now, no bucking today” and when it was our turn to canter he said, “I’m not going to come near you because you know what’ll happen.” I did. Murphy would have thrown me off again. Or at least tried to.



After the ride Megan’s dad took photographs of us. He’s a professional photographer and his pictures are amazing. We even managed to get Murphy and Fred to stand side by side without Murphy killing anyone. He’d tried to kick several horses for getting too close to us during the lesson. I also got another quick ride on Fred but I didn’t ask him to do too much because he’d just finished the lesson.



When we were grooming afterward, Sue came over to say she felt sorry for us because of the beginners in our ride since she had at least got to do demonstrations. Tom apologised for their presence and said that they wouldn’t be in the ride next week. Thank god.



I’ve noticed people’s attitudes towards Megan have changed since she started sharing Fred. They’ll talk to her now and still completely blank me when I’m next to her because, as a non-owner, I’m at the lowest point of the social hierarchy. I guess I should be used to it but it still hurts. A lot of people were going to competitions today and speaking to Megan beforehand. They ignored me completely as though I was hired help. I suppose I must look like it though.



Today made me nostalgic for the days when we all used to hang out on the yard to help out on Saturdays. I miss being able to work for free rides. I miss competing too. Although, I’d rather have a happy horse than a cabinet full of trophies.



My Brain Sued God

I got a lot of texts today about going out to an Indian place for dinner tonight (even though the last time we did that, it wasn’t exactly a resounding success) and we ended up there a little after 8pm. The food was okay but expensive for all you actually get. Helen managed to get in the usual comment about her needing to lose weight. If Francis hadn’t forbidden me to kill anyone, I would have found a place in her body for the spare cutlery on the table.



Before the meal I knew it would have been safer to go to The Venue with Louise or The Rosetta with Megan but, of course, some idiotic part of me chose dinner with them. I think I need that masochistic part of me removed. I’m really beginning to think I hate some of the people I once called friends.



Shock To The System

It’s after 2:30 am and thanks to daylight savings time I’ve just lost an hour of time (tried, unsuccessfully, to explain the concept to a Polish girl earlier – a Polish girl who speaks almost no English) so I think I’ll go crash for a few hours now and hope that he replies to my message by morning.



My Mascara Is Running

Right now I’ve got my music turned up loudly to block out the argument downstairs. Here’s the final song of today:



Evanescence – Call Me When You’re Sober

Don't cry to me.

If you loved me,

You would be here with me.

You want me,

Come find me.

Make up your mind.



Should I let you fall?

Lose it all?

So maybe you can remember yourself.

Can't keep believing,

We're only deceiving ourselves .

And I'm sick of the lie,

And you're too late.



Don't cry to me.

If you loved me,

You would be here with me.

You want me,

Come find me.

Make up your mind.



Couldn't take the blame.

Sick with shame.

Must be exhausting to lose your own game.

Selfishly hated,

No wonder you're jaded.

You can't play the victim this time,

And you're too late.



Don't cry to me.

If you loved me,

You would be here with me.

You want me,

Come find me.

Make up your mind.



You never call me when you're sober.

You only want it cause it's over,

It's over.



How could I have burned paradise?

How could I - you were never mine.



So don't cry to me.

If you loved me,

You would be here with me.

Don't lie to me,

Just get your things.

I've made up your mind.

You Can Only Fly So High Before You Run Out Of Fuel
13:08 Mar 23 2007
Times Read: 742

Today I woke up to find that I had died at some point during the night. I feel like such an idiot. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. It’s just that I saw him on Wednesday and since then contact from his end has been zero. Maybe he’s just busy. Maybe I’m just impatient. I can’t believe I’ve fallen into this frame of mind. I keep telling myself that it’s okay if he doesn’t feel anything for me but somehow my heart doesn’t seem to agree. Is it bad that the very thought of someone can put a smile on your face?



I went into town with Emma yesterday afternoon and yet he was the one on my mind. When I bought a new corset, I wondered if he would like it. When I looked at books, I wondered if he already had them. Why is my mind in this state? I don’t get it. I can’t have fallen for him already… Can I?



I’ve to travel through town again today and I know, just like yesterday, that part of me will be watching out for him. The idea that he feels differently now already makes the world seem a little colder.

Fall Out Boy – 7 Minutes In Heaven

I'm sleeping my way out of this one

With anyone who will lie down

I'll be stuck fixated on one star

When the world is crashing down



I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type

But you've got me looking in through blinds

I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type



Sitting out dances on the wall

Trying to forget everything that isn't you

I'm not going home alone

Cause I don't do too well

Sitting out dances on the wall

Trying to forget everything that isn't you

I'm not going home alone

Cause I don't do too well on my own



The only thing worse than not knowing

Is you thinking that I don't know

I'm having another episode

I just need a stronger dose



I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type

But you've got me looking in through blinds

I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type



Sitting out dances on the wall

Trying to forget everything that isn't you

I'm not going home alone

Cause I don't do too well

Sitting out dances on the wall

Trying to forget everything that isn't you

I'm not going home alone

Cause I don't do too well on my own



I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type

But you've got me looking in through blinds

I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type



Sitting out dances on the wall

Trying to forget everything that isn't you

I'm not going home alone

Cause I don't do too well on my own

Some Random Observations At Lunchtime On A Thursday
13:02 Mar 22 2007
Times Read: 744

I like being at university because I get post more often than at home. And it's always interesting post.



I'm spending far too much time on the internet again.



I'm running the risk of becoming social. I hung out in town all of yesterday afternoon and I'm going to do the same again today. Admittedly, with different people, but that's besides the point.



I think I'm way too much into a certain guy and am going to crash and burn if he feels differently about me after yesterday.



My right hand is freezing.



I do not need to buy another corset.

Sometimes Even The Rain Cannot Ruin The Most Perfect Of Moods
21:26 Mar 21 2007
Times Read: 751

Three days into this week and it's been a bit of a rollercoaster. There have been moments when I haven't know whether I'm happy or sad. On Monday I wanted to write about the day but was too low to do it. Yesterday, I wasn't really in the mood for anything. And today... Today, I've been in town and it's taken me several hours to calm down enough to write this entry.



Misery - Formerly Known As Monday

The oldest of my cats, Carter, turned fourteen on the eleventh of March. She was the daughter of a feral cat, Baby Fish, who adopted us. We had Baby for fourteen years and on Monday we had to get Carter put to sleep. She was old and weak and having trouble keeping on going. She was a real fighter but apparently her liver had begun to fail. It was no longer removing toxins and these reached her brain on Monday morning causing her to go into convulsions. The kindest, and most difficult, decision was taken. It was better for her not to remain in pain any longer. Carter, I will always remember you. Rest In Peace.



Tuesday - The Bringer Of Chaos

I was supposed to meet Megan at her house at five pm to go up to the yard and help her with Fred. Our wonderful bus service had other ideas. First, I had a disagreement with my Mum about the second half of the journey. I wanted to walk it. She was determined that I should get the bus. I thought it would be good exercise. She thought it was too far. Four miles is not too far. I walk to the Co-op in Southwell almost every day when I'm over at Brackenhurst and that's a three mile round trip. Anyway, the bus service took the decision out of my hands.



They've started resurfacing the roads near my house and there was at least a half mile tailback from the epicentre in all directions. That slowed the traffic down and then an accident in the city centre slowed it down further still. After standing at the bus stop for almost an hour, and realising I was never going to make it on time, I gave up and came back home. This would have been a good point at which to do revision. Instead I went to the chemist and spent £9 on make-up. For whatever stupid reason I didn't bring all of mine back with me. I wanted my eyes to look perfect (for Wednesday) and that required a sharp eyeliner and new eye shadow. I'd never gotten around to replacing mine after I dropped it about two years ago. It's still useable but it's powder now rather than solid. The new stuff was supposedly the same as the old but I beg to differ. Jet black should be black, not grey. However, my eyes looked much better than on Monday when I looked like a panda. Having a blunt eye liner is never good when you want narrow smooth lines. Although, I probably didn't help matters when I forgot I was wearing it and rubbed my eyes. I can't believe I've begun to care so much about how I look. And let's not even get started on the amount of time it took me to select outfit for Wednesday.



I got another birthday present. David had bought me the 7-disc Nightmare On Elm Street box set and this night saw him giving me a new PS2 game. The Legend Of Spyro: A New Beginning. I've played a few hours now and it seems harder than the previous Spyro games. Also, it has more of a CG appearance now, rather than the previous anime appearance. I'll probably be playing it for the rest of the week now.



Wednesday - Is Elation Too Simple A Word?

Butterflies doesn't cover the feeling in my stomach this morning after my first conscious thought. I swear I though I was going to throw up. I tried to ignore it though and proceeded to get dressed, do my make-up and prepare myself for whatever the afternoon threw at me.



I looked at a corset in the Rusty Zip in town (£9, I think I may have to go back for another look - I'm buying it if they still have it) and then went for coffee with Francis. Not that either of us drink coffee. Soft drinks all round. I met Vi while we were in the cafe but couldn't stay and chat. Francis and I had a good rant about everything and nothing before heading into town. Outside City Hall we met Ellie, one of his friend's girlfriends. She was waiting for her boyfriend Shaun who promptly arrived with his friend Amber in tow. As it turns out, Amber, Shaun and I all attended the same secondary school but they're still trapped there while I'm off enjoying university (when there are no assignments due). What followed was very fun but incredibly wasteful (if referring to time).



We headed off to a toy shop to look at Daleks and ended up with a mini game of chasies being played upstairs. Shaun dropped some of his ice-cream though so we beat quite a hasty retreat before they kicked us out. Amber said, many times over while she was with us, that she felt like an idiot in her uniform while the rest of us were in our normal clothes. I can sympathise. I used to wear the same uniform. Shaun claimed that, with the exception of Amber, we had an aura of depravity about us. *evil grin* I can live with that.



After the toy shop we headed to the food village in Castle Court. While there we were discussing Goddess knows what but we got onto the subject of stopping things happening. My solution... A really, really big axe. That set everyone off laughing and prompted Shaun to say "I like this one" - meaning me - and to say that he wished he'd realised I was "as cool" when we were in school together. He never knew because I was the quiet one who excelled in appearing sane while secretly being mad.



Amber and Ellie decided to be evil and drag the guys into Claire's Accessories but that plan backfired when Francis was more eager to go than they were. He bought hair bobbles and Ellie decided she had to buy a lucky bag just so he wouldn't be the only one to have bought something. It wouldn't do for her to drag them to the shop and then have him buy something and not her. Once we'd finished up in there we dropped Amber off at the City Hall and headed for Stiletto but ended up in Waterstones instead. After finding far too many books I wanted we went for the bus. I left the others at their stop and made my way to my own, smiling all the way.



Your Coffin Or Mine? - What Does The Future Hold?

Today is the most content I've felt in a long time. Not just happy or ecstatic or cheerful, but content. Everything felt just right. I wasn't self-confident at all and I enjoyed myself. I guess I may have found a reason that this country isn't so bad after all. I'd really like to see him again but now my only worry is whether or not he feels the same way. And then there is the small matter of me being in England for another ten weeks before I finish for the summer. I should probably try not to worry about it and just enjoy the next three weeks while I can.



In Other News

I signed in to VR today to find a lovely message from honeybah so I'd just like to publically say thank you to her.



A Song For Today

I don't really know why I've started quoting songs but here's another one:

Blue Carolina - Alkaline Trio

It's everything that I can do right now

To not think about you moving further off with every passing second

And every night of this lonely summertime

I feel you missing from my heart, a part was kidnapped from my soul



Well I can hardly wait until I get the sun and your lips both pressing on my skin

Well I can hardly wait until I feel that thrill my heart that starts inside your eyes

And a song in my head that burns so good on my tongue

Yes I will, yeah, yeah

Yes I will



The night is aging as the sun warms your face

Won't you turn around and stay for good, the air is getting much too cold

I am nervous and anxious, it really counts this time

And you know all my favourite singers have stolen all of my best lines



Well I can hardly wait until I get the sun and your lips both pressing on my skin

Well I can hardly wait until I feel that thrill my heart that starts inside your eyes

And a song in my head that burns so good on my tongue

Yes I will, yeah, yeah

Yes I will, yeah, yeah

Yes I will



Someday I'll burn this bed

Only two feet wide, but where I'll hide for the next 17 days

I will ask myself, "How badly do I want this?"

I really want this

Well I can hardly wait until I get the sun and your lips both pressing on my skin

Well I can hardly wait until I feel that thrill my heart that starts inside your eyes

And a song in my head that burns so good on my tongue

Yes I will, yeah, yeah

Yes I will, yeah, yeah

Yes I will

Spooked
01:56 Mar 19 2007
Times Read: 756

I'm sitting at the computer on the landing, having just finished that long journal entry, and my brother's bedroom door has just opened itself. It was shut tight and there's no one in there. Maybe it was just a really strong draught. It is very windy out there. But it's creeped me out and I'm still only getting used to the house again.

"Hand. Forehead. Nail. Angst." Or "There's No Such Thing As A Short Journal Entry."
01:44 Mar 19 2007
Times Read: 759

I wanted to write some of this stuff here during the week but I just did not have time. Between work for university, a party and returning home for Easter, my days have been packed. Yes, this is going to be another very long entry.



Here's a look at the last six days:



Tuesday - My Life Is Controlled By A Malicious God

The day started off with us being used by a third year for her dissertation (which must be handed in on March 30th) during our Nutrition lecturer. It was quite interesting but it wasn't help us get our work done. The head of our course was there and was supposed to stay while we had our Nutrition questions answered but she disappeared before we could even say anything. Andrea ranted whenever anyone asked anything (hence our general avoidance of her) and, when I asked if she wanted us to hand our lab books in, she went off on one. All I wanted was a yes or no answer. That's the last time I speak up during lectures.



Bioscience was put off due to the panic about our presentations and Zoe and I went off to work on ours. I'd flung it on a PowerPoint the previous night but she hadn't seen it. I'd also written information on postcards and agreed to share them in the hope that we can both scrape a pass and return next year.



We did all we could until one o'clock was almost upon us and we trailed to the labs and to our doom. Well, not quite. But it felt that way. I hate presentations at the best of times and this was not among those times.



In the lab, Zoe volunteered us to go first. I will not repeat the unpleasant names for her that passed through my mind. During in front of people from my course would have been bad enough but Andrea invited people from all the courses. Maybe invited isn't the correct word. Forced is perhaps a better choice. I tried to reassure myself that it would all be okay while Zoe tried to load our presentation. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it anywhere on the system. It was awful standing up in front of everyone and not finding it but apparently it was a problem with the network, not us. Soon we were forced to put it on a flash drive and transfer it to the PC that way. By the time we were ready two other groups had gone and I swear they had way more information than us. The presentation itself went okay, even though Zoe had trouble understanding what I'd written down. Sorry, but I won't use layman's terms if I don't feel like it. I'm hoping, not hopeful but hoping, we did enough to pass but at least we didn't do anything that could get us in trouble. Unlike Sophie and Ellie.



At the front of the lab is the screen onto which presentations are projected. Unfortunately, everything on the computer screen is shown on the big screen. Ellie and Sophie were accessing their PowerPoint via an attachment on an email but the email began with the words "Bloody Andrea! She's officially useless!" and went downhill from there. Not only did our lecturer read it over their shoulders but everyone else saw it projected in front of us. I'll be surprised if they make it into second year.



Midway through psychology we all just wanted to quit and Tina let us go early. Her lectures are always interesting but after four hours of information being spewed at us, all of us just want to hide under the tables and cry. Or possibly just sleep.



Only Amy and James were still in the flat when I got back. Letters arrived allocating us our rooms for next year. They asked for a double flat (two flats sharing one entrance) but now everyone agrees that we should have just asked for a single flat since we only have seven confirmed people instead of twelve. I always said we should get a single flat but you can't argue with some people.



Amy looked beautiful when she left for the ballet. After James left I had the place to myself *sigh of relief* until Kirsty, Racheal and Philippa arrived back. The evening was spent gathering things to take home and trying to persuade my laptop to play music after it started messing around.



Wednesday - Time For Fun or Party Down The Drain?

James and I went into town in the morning to get some things for the party and so he could find a birthday present for Amy and a Mother's Day present (for his Mum obviously). There were plenty of 'marketing muggers' - people in the street with clipboards that try to get you to sign up for things you don't want or need - and I told James about telling the ones at home that I'm not allowed to talk to strangers or that I'll only talk to them if they give me a cookie. We completely blanked one guy on the way into Broadmarsh Shopping Centre but we saw him again later and the conversation went something like this:



Marketing Mugger: So you came back to see me after all.

James:I'm not allowed to talk to strangers.

Marketing Mugger: My name's Ian. There, we're friends now.

Me: We're not allowed to make friends either.



He didn't say anything after that but we were tempted to return later and tell him we'd talk to him if we could have cookies. *evil grin*



We'd almost finished for the day when James's girlfriend, Lorna, and their friend Sam, a Communist, arrived. We wandered for a bit and stopped in Old Market Square to look at the new fountains. Lorna said she wanted to play in them. I said I wanted to drown someone and asked for volunteers. Lorna volunteered. It took her a while to realise what she'd done. (The phrase "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" come to mind at this point.) I headed back to campus not long afterwards and expected to see James back there within a couple of hours.



Arriving back at the flat, I found Amy and Philippa working on their assignments. Amy claimed to have written only about 50 words since I left that morning. The worst part was that I knew she was telling the truth. Charlotte hadn't arrived back from David's and Racheal and Kirsty had gone to Southwell so I headed down there as well. I had books to return to the library and a few things to pick up from the shop so I was gone for about an hour and a half. I expected the flat to be packed when I got back (cue the noise of loud happy chatter and no one actually working) but it was exactly as I had left it. No James. No Charlotte. No Kirsty. No Racheal. Just Philippa and Amy hard at work.



Some time later Kirsty and Racheal arrived back but we were still two people down and somehow needed to get Amy out of the way so we could decorate the kitchen. Subtle hints were failing miserably. Six o'clock, the time we had originally planned to start, came and went and no one was in the mood to party. I stood by, everything ready in a box in my room, and watched it all slipping away. By seven o'clock I was almost ready to cry. Then, as if our prayers had been answered, Amy decided to go and work in her room and so the decorating began in ernest. James arrived back soon afterward, singing at the top of his voice - a sure sign that he'd been drinking - but then helped us blow up balloons which sobered him up a bit.



Everything started to come together quickly and before long the flat, and the food, were ready. I'd designated jobs (Philippa - cooking, Racheal - arrangement of plates on the table and presents, Kirsty - decoration, James - general duties - well done to them all) and almost everthing had been achieved. We were only waiting for Aaron and as soon as he came over James called Amy in and the party began.



She was shocked but very happy about her surprise birthday party and loved her presents. There was a theme of fairies and the colour pink in the presents, the bags and the flat itself that night. We'd planned for it to be almost a child's party but with alcohol (although Charlotte didn't return that night so the alcohol supply was severely limited) so I organised prizes. Pass-The-Parcel went down well. However, we altered it so a balloon had to be passed in the opposite direction and whoever ended up with it when the music stopped had to have a shot of Sambuca or Southern Comfort. Since I was in charge of the music, I had a blindfold on to prevent me being biased. They, however, did not realise that I could still hear where the balloon was. That game was followed by Musical Statues, What's The Time Mr Wolf? and a variety of other random favourites.



Kirsty and Racheal headed for bed at around eleven since they had a lambing shift at six am and Aaron left a while later. James, Amy, Philippa and I stayed up and chatted but it was late for Amy and she retired as well leaving only three of us. James was completely wasted (we approximate that he had about 30 units of alcohol that day - the maximum recommended weekly intake for a male is twenty-one units) but we still sat and talked about everything from Paedophilia to Global Warming. There were a lot of revelations that night but most of those are private and will not be shared here. Not yet anyway. James abandoned us at about two am and Philippa called it quits at about twenty to three. I decided to retire for the night as well since I was supposed to be on the yard by nine thirty. All things considered, I think the party went quite well.



Thursday - A Useful Person Or Just Plain Dominated?

My body and I had an intense disagreement about getting out of bed but I managed to haul myself to the yard to help with the lesson. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day so my sunglasses and SPF 60 sun block were just as vital as my jodhpurs and riding hat, if not more so. My job this week was filling in questionnaires for the dissertation student (see Tuesday earlier in this entry) and writing down marks and comments on dressage tests as they were ridden. Everything went fine for the first two hours but, in the third hour, Harvey bucked Olive off and she couldn't get back on. I was sent with her to find help and the first person we found was Andrea - the last person either of us wanted to see. While she and Sam Yorke looked after Olive, I looked after Harvey. He's only young and something had spooked him so it wasn't really his fault. I took my time untacking him and putting his rug on before going to find Olive again. I met her and Ruth on their way to the car park. They were driving fifteen miles to the hospital in Nottingham to have Olive's wrist checked out because the closer hospital, which was ten miles away in the opposite direction (we really are in the middle of nowhere) might send her there anyway. I'm starting to think I'm bad luck. Either that or people only fall off when I'm there because they know there's someone to take care of their horse for them. Last week it was Becky, this week it was Olive and it's not that long since Sophie fell off either.



Vicky came back to the flat for lunch and to print off a few things and we headed to Graduate Skills at two pm. Of about sixty people, six of us showed up and instead of getting to make hot cross buns we ended up talking about our assignment for the module. B&W didn't get a much better turn out. There was a little over a dozen people waiting but our lecturer was late and most decided to leave. Thirty seconds later many were charging back up the staircase, having spotted Carol, so they could pretend that they'd had every intention of staying.



Thursday Evening And About Seven Hours Of Friday - Never Let Anyone Tell You That Work Cannot Kill You

The words assignment and packing pretty much cover everything about this period. I'd planned to hand the Nutrition assignment in on Wednesday but run out of time and it was looking more and more like an all-nighter was necessary. I alternated between working and doing my final gathering of belongings for returning home. The collapse was inevitable and I burnt out when everyone else was getting up for the day. I'm so glad my lectures were cancelled.



Friday - The Return Home. Or At Least The Attempt

I got up, printed off the assignment, handed it in and then drowned myself. Okay, the last part was a lie. I didn't drown myself, but I did hand in my assignment, return books to the university library, finish packing and collect my post. Not bad when you feel that you should be clinically brain dead. My new dog collar finally arrived. *celebrates* It's a little big but can always be altered. I'll post pictures soon. I also need to put up some of the corsets and the notebook I got on Wednesday.



Packing can be a real pain. Especially when you need to compromise on what needs to be brought home (notes for revision) and what you want to bring home (corset, velvet coat, New Rocks). After some effort I reduced my luggage to below the maximum flying weight and packed everything I could fit in my laptop bag into it. I said farewell to Racheal, Kirsty and Philippa at lunch and James, Charlotte and Amy when they finished their lecture. James was torn between staying and watching the Cheltenham Gold Cup and walking me to the bus stop. I made the decision for him and told him to stay and watch the race. Just before the bus arrived he texted me with the results. The horse I picked had won.



After standing at the bus stop for fifteen minutes, the bus arrived and I headed into the city with my two bags. For some reason I just wasn't excited about going home anymore and I surprised myself by feeling very confidence and unselfconscious walking through Nottingham with a suitcase on wheels. At the stop for the airport bus (annoyingly between Forbidden Planet and a very expensive but very nice looking chocolate shop) I switched from my Converse sneakers into my New Rocks to lighten my bag further. I must have looked strange but I couldn't care less. The journey at this point would have been better had a woman not sat next to me, read my magazine (including an article on Kinky Sex) over my shoulder and then fallen asleep on me.



I arrived at the airport just before five thirty and walked in confidently only to discover that there was a two hour delay on my flight. Instead of a departure time of 19:30 it had become 21:35. I checked in anyway and received a £3 voucher for food or drink from any of the airport bars or cafes. Presumably they were taking no chances after there was so much said about people not receiving vouchers when other airlines had delays. I'd complained last time about not getting time to look around the departure lounge. This time I had too much time. I got through security quickly. I had to take my New Rocks off to be scanned (nothing new there) but they scanned everyones' shoes so I wasn't the odd one out this time. They also searched us after we went through the metal detector and they had a good look at my laptop. I wonder if whatever is wrong with the sound if causing it to look odd on x-rays. They poked and prodded it and scanned it again (all those gamma waves cannot be good for technology) but gave it back to me when they were satisfied it wasn't a bomb.



I checked out the shops in the departure longue and then bought sandwiches and a drink in one of the cafes. It should have cost £4.15 but with the voucher I paid only £1.15. I would never have bought dinner otherwise so I guess delays have their uses (thanks BMI Baby). After I'd eaten and talked to my Mum on the phone, I sat and wrote for over and hour before having another tour of the shops. I had thought about getting Mum some speciality tea but the shop was closed when I went back so the decision was out of my hands. In the end I bought another card to decorate my notice board at university (I'm re-doing it completely after Easter), a copy of New Scientist (there's some really good articles this issue) and some toffee. Then I found myself a seat and alternated between reading, writing and watching the planes take off and land. During the wait there was a further delay and our flight was set to leave at 22:05.



For several hours a BMI Baby plane had been sitting on the runway and I had come to the decision that, if we got on that plane, I was not going to be happy. At approximately nine thirty we were called through to the gate from which we would be departing. They claimed there had been technical difficulties earlier in the day (I was told by staff in the shops that there had been delays all week) and that our plane had finally arrived. They say technical difficulties. I say they broke the plane. ;) As far as I understand, the aircraft we eventually boarded had made this journey:



East Midlands (where they broke a plane and needed to borrow ours to replace it) -> Manchester -> Paris -> Manchester -> East Midlands -> Belfast (eventually)



Boarding occurred at about 22:15 using only one set of stairs due to high winds (what else could delay us?) and there were plenty of joking comments about how people should have been in the pub by now. One woman seemed genuinely annoyed because she'd had to leave the house at six thirty (I left the flat at three fifteen) but people just ignored her. There was one guy wearing a Guinness hat (I suppose we were going back to Northern Ireland and it was only hours until St Patrick's Day) and I expected the people on the plane to be rowdy but they remained fairly quiet. I guess people just wanted to get to Belfast at that stage.



The flight was uneventful and Mum and my aunt met me at the airport. It amuses me that the first sign you see says "Harp. Belfast International Airport." We are not that obsessed with alcohol... Are we? I arrived home late but at least I made it in one piece and my luggage was intact. My final act before bed (after visiting all my pets) was to unpack. Then sleep called to me and I obeyed.



Saturday - Falling, Crashing, Burning

I arrived at the yard to ride for the first time in ten weeks, was ignored by Philly (no surprise there), bitten by Murphy (still up to his tricks) and greeted cheerfully by Megan. Yeah, everything was just as I left it. Well, apart from Megan now sharing a 16.2hh bay gelding called Fred. Murphy was as badly behaved as ever when I tacked him up. The top bolt of his door his broken so he kept pushing it open. I had to hold him with one hand and take his rug off and put his saddle on with the other. As soon as I took him out of the stable I knew he was going to be a handful to ride and he proved it straight away once I'd mounted by refusing to walk to the far end of the arena. After a few minutes persuasion he decided to work with me and we walked right around the arena several times.



It was windy and it wasn't long before it upset the horses. Murphy tried to throw me off but I managed to sit to his bucks. Falling off straight away on my first day back would not have looked good. I did fall off later though. Murphy got the best of me when we were supposed to be cantering a circle. When I fell my shoulder and chin hit the ground first (I have teeth marks in my lip - this is why I don't have it pierced) and my momentum kept me going so that I rolled right over and ended up kneeling on the ground. Everything hurt but my chest was the worst because I was winded. It's an awful feeling, that sharp pain when the air is forced out and your body is trying to get it back. I haven't come off in over a year but this time I fell in exactly the same place as last time and for exactly the same reason. Still, I got back on and went back to work. We cantered just like everyone else and jumped what they jumped. I've fallen off too many times not to get back on again and keep going. I'm glad for my body protector though. Without it, the fall could have been much worse and at least a previous half dozen falls would have broken my back if I hadn't been wearing it.



The afternoon and evening saw me mostly in tears. I felt stupid after the fall but I've been tired and weepy for weeks. Since I stopped eating meat a month ago, my body hasn't been able to get what it needs, even with the supplements. Despite my desire to have a vegetarian lifestyle, I'm going to have to eat chicken again. If I don't I'm going to make myself very ill. The process has already begun.



Sunday - Aches, Pains And Vitamins

After my fall yesterday my whole body is killing me. Normally I'm okay but this was a hard fall. The right side of my body is worse than the left because it took most of the impact. I had a bad headache for the rest of yesterday but thankfully it's gone now. My neck and back are sore and I can't raise my right arm above shoulder level. I also have scar tissue inside my lower lip but thankfully there's no visible bruising on my face (that would not have made a good impression on Wednesday - more on that in a minute). The pain will pass in a few days and I'll be back on Murphy next week. Hopefully staying on until the end of the lesson with no unplanned dismounts in the middle.



I went out today to buy vitamins. I've been taking them for a month to try and improve my overall health since the only thing classification that suits me is 'picky eater'. I don't eat fruit, most veg, most meat (none during the past month), spicy food... The list goes on. As for drinks, I don't drink alcohol, tea or coffee and my hot chocolate intake is approximately four cups a year. I'm an oddity but it's just how I am.



I spoke to him online tonight. I didn't get to see him as Christmas (the fates were against it) but I'm going to see him on Wednesday. I am so excited. *grins* My friends tease me for smiling like an idiot when I talk to him because he's the only person that makes me smile like that. Hmmm, now what should I wear? *Silly grin* I was talking to L too and I think she's trying to get us together. She says he really likes me. I do hope so.



Monday - Time For Bed

Well, it's over an hour and a half into Monday now and I've been working on this entry for ages so I'm going to wrap it up for tonight (no doubt I've forgotten to include lots of things) and go to bed. Or perhaps read for a while.



Sweet dreams, reader.

I Will Not Be A Stereotype
01:01 Mar 13 2007
Times Read: 765

My Nutrition assignment for university has really been getting me down recently (as you may have noticed from my previously journal entries) but I have decided I am going to fight back now. I am running the risk of becoming a stereotype. I never wanted to end up as a girl in her twenties who cries every time something goes wrong (which is daily for me) and ends up eating chocolate and ice-cream. And yet I appear to have begun that pattern since I turned twenty just twelve days ago. I feel like I am becoming a duplicate of every other person on my course.

Replica - Sonata Arctica

I'm home again, I won the war, and now I am behind your door.

I tried so hard to obey the law, and see the meaning of this all.

Remember me? Before the war, I'm the man who lived next door.

Long ago...



As you can see, when you look at me, I'm pieces of what I used to be.

It's easier when you don't see I'm standing on my own two feet.

I'm taller when I sit here still, you ask are all my dreams fulfilled.

They made me heart of steel, the kind them bullets cannot see, yeah.



Nothing's what it seems to be

I'm a replica, I'm a replica

Empty shell inside of me

I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me



The light is green, my slate is clean, new life to fill the hole in me.

I had no name, last December, Christmas Eve I can't remember.

I was in a constant pain, I saw your shadow in the rain.

I painted all your pictures red, I wish I had stayed home instead.



Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah



Nothing's what it seems to be

I'm a replica, I'm a replica

Empty shell inside of me

I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me



Are you gonna leave me now, when it is all over

Are you gonna leave me, is my world now over



Raising from the place I've been, and trying to keep my home base clean.

Now I'm here and won't go back believe.



I fall asleep and dream a dream, I'm floating in the silent stream.

No-one place blame on me,

But nothing's what it seems to be, yeah.



Nothing's what it seems to be

I'm a replica, I'm a replica

Empty shell inside of me

I'm not myself, I'm a replica



Nothing's what it seems to be

I'm a replica

Empty shell inside of me

I'm replica of...



Nothing's what it seems to be

I'm a replica

Empty shell inside of me

I'm a replica



Nothing's what it seems to be

I'm a replica

Empty shell inside of me

I'm replica of me...



I'm home again, I won the war, and now I am behind your door.

I tried so hard to obey the law, and see the meaning of it all.

Remember me? Before the war,

I'm the man who lived.





Again planning to avoid the stereotype, I am not a typical student. I don’t drink, I don’t like clubbing and most importantly I hate the fact that our kitchen/common room is a complete mess. Zoe came over to work on our presentation yesterday and I had to clear and wash the table before we could use it. And I couldn’t wash up again today because I couldn’t get near the sink. Charlotte has all of her stuff out and all of it needs washed. It’s cluttering up the place and when anything does get washed it’s her boyfriend that does it while she sits and watches. However, he doesn’t do that much either. They only wash their dishes if they have nothing off which they can eat. It is annoying me so much these days. I really need a break. Thankfully I’m flying home on Friday. If I survive that long.



This morning (well yesterday morning since it is, as usual, past midnight) started off badly and went down hill from there. I was supposed to meet Ruth and Ellie to do the first half of our practical but, when I got to the yard, they weren’t there and apparently weren’t coming. I ended up joining Charlotte (not the same girl I live with – will be known as Olive from this point onward) and Sioni. They said I could join them permanently but they aren’t predictable either and are always missing lectures. Later I found out that Ellie hadn’t come because she was told the heart rate monitors we needed had been double-booked so we couldn’t use them. Unfortunately, they had been booked by our lecturer for our use. *sigh* When we tried to book them for later in the week we were told we would have to do it tomorrow. *double sigh* Now I have to meet them at nine am to do that. *triple sigh*



Our nutrition lecturer was meant to come to our tutorial to answer our questions but decided she was too busy and we just ended up getting told off for not going to lectures (I have only missed one) and for leaving everything to the last minute. It wasn’t our fault that we did all the experiments, bar one, in the past month. And I’ve been trying to get this done ever since then. Apparently our lecturer will answer questions tomorrow (not that it will help us for the presentations tomorrow afternoon) and she has kindly given us until Friday to do everything else since she screwed up the deadline. She claims it was four pm on Monday 12th March 2007 but we have something that says the 16th. Thanks the deities.



Continuing the downward spiral, my A&P lecturer was late and we should have been working for twenty minutes by the time we actually started. Then she raced through the work, giving us no time to process what she was saying. She’s still better than the lecturer she’s standing in for though. Lynn is, or at least was, in hospital and we’re having an easier time without her. I’m not being mean, just honest.



Horse management sent me into panic again. My exam is in a month and there is no way I am ever going to be ready. I have to do so much work over the Easter holidays. I really need so time to rest but people won’t give me a chance. I’m going to be working for at least eight hours straight tomorrow and then I still have my ration calculation and write-up to complete. I’m moaning again but it’s my journal, I’m tired and I really just want to be left in peace.



Rest In Peace (From The Buffy Episode, Once More With Feeling)

I died

So many years ago

But you can make me feel

Like it isn't so

And why you come to be with me

I think I finally know

mmm-mmm



You're scared

Ashamed of what you feel

And you can't tell the ones you love

You know they couldn't deal

Whisper in a dead man's ear

It doesn't make it real

That's great



But I don't wanna play

'Cause being with you touches me

More than I can say

And since I’m only dead to you

I’m saying stay away and

Let me rest in peace



Let me rest in peace

Let me get some sleep

Let me take my love and bury it

In a hole 6-foot deep

I can lay my body down

But I can't find my, sweet release

So let me rest in peace



You know,

You got a willing slave

And You just love to play the thought

That you might misbehave

But Till you do,

I'm telling you

Stop visiting my grave

Let me rest in peace



I know I should go

But I follow you like a man possessed

There's a traitor here beneath my breast

And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed

If my heart could beat, it would break my chest

but I can see you're unimpressed

So leave me be and



Let me rest in peace

Let me get some sleep

Let me take my love and bury it

I’m a hole 6-foot deep

I can lay my body down

But I can't find my sweet release

Let me rest in peace

Why won't you

Let me rest in peace?



Yes, I know I’ve quoted two songs today but they seem appropriate for how I’m feeling. I started this entry wanting to fight and now I just want to give up again. By the time I finish lectures tomorrow Kirsty, Racheal and Philippa will be in town and Amy and Charlotte will be at the ballet. I’d really like to have gone to the ballet but I didn’t get invited. There’s something on at home in a few weeks which I’d like to see too but the first performance starts after I catch my flight back here.



I’m going to quit moaning now and go to bed. I feel like my brain is dribbling out my ears.

Eating Chocolate And Trying Not To Cry
01:37 Mar 12 2007
Times Read: 766

The headline says it all. My assignment is really getting me down. Last night it was Cookie Dough ice-cream. Tonight it's chocolate. I've just turned twenty and already I'm becoming a stereotype.

Flying Spoons And Falling Tears
18:09 Mar 11 2007
Times Read: 775

In my previous lengthy rant, entitled “Sleep Perchance To… Never Wake Up Again,” I forgot to mention my new corsets, the swear jar and the other assignments I need to do.



University

I worked on my Nutrition assignment from 4:15pm through to 2am on Friday night and am got nowhere with it. I don't know if it's due on Tuesday or Friday but I worked on it all of yesterday and started to think I may actually meet my deadline. However, after spending almost three hours working on the presentation with Zoe today, I now believe I am doomed to fail this assignment and therefore the year. I also need to do another presentation with Sophie and do a practical with Ruth and Ellie before the end of term, which is Friday. I am want die now.



Raising Money

As it is Comic Relief on Friday we decided we were going to do something to raise money. Most of our plans fell through and somehow we ended up with a swear jar. Ten pence per word. And we have a whole list of things you cannot say, which includes blasphemy for me since they haven’t succeeded in making me say anything yet. We’re doing quite well and it’s amusing to see someone swear and then swear again when they realize what they’ve done.



Future Eye Candy

On the day after my birthday my two new corsets arrived in the post. I'll put pictures up soon but I'm having a few issues with the images at the moment.



I love the red one. It’s so pretty. I can’t wait to wear it out and show it to a certain person. The leopard print one does not fit, unfortunately. It was sold to me as a 16-18 but is no bigger than a 12 and at the tightest fastening it fits my size 8 friend.



Magnet For Confusion

Other recent events include me attracting confused people. There was the lady with dementia on Wednesday night and then Becky got thrown from her horse on Thursday morning and ended up with a concussion. I ended up looking after her and her memory slowly came back. At first she had no idea what day or date it was, where she’d parked her car or how long it was until the end of term.



All Alone

Tuesday night will see me having the flat to myself again for once. There’s always people here these days. However, Amy and Charlotte are going to a ballet, James is working and Philippa, Kirsty and Racheal are going to a party in the city so I’ll have the place to myself. I’m looking forward to it. People’s other halves are always here now (I swear Charlotte’s boyfriend David doesn’t actually spend any time in his own flat in the city) and that’s never good when you’re single and already feeling down.



The Commodore And His Guests

Two nights ago James came back from work very drunk and thundered into the flat, singing at the top of his voice. And it wasn’t good singing. Then his friend Leanne came to stay last night. She’s nice but they went on a pub crawl and returned very drunk. Two nights ago I threw a spoon at James hard enough to bruise him. Last night I threw three spoons and chased him around the flat with a pencil case. All in good fun, but people know not to cross me.



Impending Failure

Amy’s birthday is during our Easter holidays so we decided to have a surprise party this Wednesday. I have the feeling that I may have already mentioned the party but I have the feeling that it’s now going to be a disaster. We’re been using the phrase “end of term party” as a cover but I now suspect that Amy will be panicking so much about her assignment that she won’t want to come out. Also, we were meant to buy the rest of the food today but that hasn’t been done and now I don’t know when it will be. Wednesday is going to be really busy.



The Wednesday Timetable

I have to go into the city in the morning to buy the last of my Mum’s Mother’s Day present, before going into Southwell to get things there, going to the library and then doing a practical for university at 2pm. And all this is before anything gets prepared for the party.



Fatal Thoughts

My lower lip is really swollen right now and my body is bruised and sore. I suspect that I am beginning to sound Emo, which, given my current emotional state, wouldn’t surprise me. I would very much like to go to bed right now but it’s only a little after five so that’s probably not the best idea. Perhaps a small bout of crying instead. On the other hand, retail therapy might help. I feel the sudden desire for a new dog collar.

Rubbish And Junk
18:07 Mar 11 2007
Times Read: 776


A Random Survey

1) First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Ennis (Is it bad that I still remember that?)

2) Last words you said: "I want to jump out that window right now."

3) Last song you sang: Replica – Sonata Artica

4) Last person you hugged: Aaron

5) Last thing you laughed at: I don’t remember but it was probably some random thing on the internet.

6) Last time you said 'I love you': In my dreams

7) Last time you cried: About five minutes ago

8) What's in your CD player: I’m currently playing Sonata Artica in iTunes

9) What colour socks are you wearing: Grey and black striped ones.

10) What's under your bed: Three whips, two lab coats, a printer and some random junk

11) What time did you wake up today: Too early

12) Current taste: The same as always

13) Current hair: Half natural, half pink

14) Current clothes: Black except for my socks

15) Current annoyance: That there are too many people in my flat and that they always put the TV on just for the sake of it

16) Current longing: To have completed my assignment

17) Current desktop picture: A dishy black-winged angel

18) Current worry: That I’ll fail my assignment

19) Current hate: Myself

20) Story behind your username: Ravensblood is a character from my first novel but since I was the original I added the ‘zero’ to differentiate between us and became Ravensbloodzero

22) Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex: I have a thing for eyes

23) Last CD that you bought: It’s too long ago. I don’t remember

24) Favourite place to be: With Murphy

25) Least Favourite place: Surrounded by the enemy

26) Time you wake up in the morning: When the alarm goes off

27) If you could play an instrument, what would it be: Harp

28) Favourite color: Black (as long as it’s being counted as a colour)

29) Do you believe in an afterlife: Yes

30) How tall are you: About 5' 5". Maybe

31) Favourite saying: So many to choose from. Today’s is “I hear the voices and they don’t like you.”

32) Favourite book: Too many choices *suffers breakdown while trying to choose*

33) Favourite season: Winter

34) One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: I have so many regrets. I wish I could go back and apologise for my mistakes

35) Favourite day: Saturday

36) Where would you like to go: London, San Francisco, home, bed

37) What is your career going to be like: I suspect it will involve trying to explain what my degree involved

38) How many kids do you want: Zero

39) What kind of car will you have: Something sleek and sporty

40) Type a line you remember from any book: "There was dried chicken blood imbedded under my fingernails."

41) A random lyric: "Now the fallen angel’s flown away, and that’ll be me someday, with broken wings and evil ways."

42) Identify some things surrounding your computer: My laptop moves around the place.



And Another Random Survey



The story behind your username: See previous survey



Are you gay?: No, I’m straight



Where do you live: Belfast in Northern Ireland for half of the year and a campus in the middle of nowhere in England for the other half of the year.



4 words that sum you up: Sarcastic, creative, emotional, unstable



DESCRIBE YOUR…

Wallet: Black PVC with red stitching forming flames



Hairbrush: Paddle brush



Toothbrush: Manual and purple



Jewelry worn daily: I’m never without two bracelets, a nose stud/ring or my watch



Pillow cover: Black



Coffee cup: I don’t like tea or coffee and have hot chocolate less than half a dozen times a year. However, I do have a set of black mugs



Sunglasses: Black, reflective, narrow and very dark to protect my eyes



Underwear: Black. That’s all I’m saying



Shoes: Converse or New Rocks



Handbag: I have a large selection



Favorite top: Today it’s either a corset or a red and black striped t-shirt



Favorite trousers: Black with metal skulls on them



Cologne/Perfume: I’m allergic to most



CD in stereo right now: I have a random play list in iTunes



Tattoos: None. I’m still trying to decide what I want.



Piercings: Nose, ears, more to come.



What you are wearing now: Black



Hair: Half natural, half pink



Makeup: Black nail polish, black eye make-up



In my mouth: The taste of bitter insults



In my head: The thought of ripping someone’s spine from their body while they’re still breathing



Wishing: I had my assignment completed and that I wasn’t feeling so low right now.



After this: Back to my assignment



Talking to: Only the voices in my head



Fetishes: I think they’re underdeveloped



Some of your favorite movies: 2002, Nochnoi Dozor, Underworld, Underworld: Evolution, The Matrix trilogy etc etc



Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months: Going home next weekend, seeing Murphy and meeting up with someone to rectify my mistakes



Do you like candles: Yes.



Do you like incense: Yes.



Do you like the taste of blood: Most definitely.



Do you believe in love: Maybe, but I do believe in lust.



Do you believe in love at first sight: No, but yes for lust at first sight.



Do you believe in forgiveness: Yes, but only if I can have vengeance first.



If you could have any animal for a pet: A horse



What are 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to?: London, San Francisco, Romania.



What are some of your favorite pig out foods: Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream but I only have it once in every few months.

Terminal Boredom
03:22 Mar 10 2007
Times Read: 780


The Stuff You Get In Every Survey

01)Full Name: Nicola Jennifer Donnell

02)Name Backwards: Llennod Refinnej Alocin

03)Were you named after anyone? My brother chose my middle name because it was the name of his primary three crush.

04)Does your name mean anything? Nicola: Victorious People, Jennifer: Fair White

05)Nick Name(s): Nyck is my chosen name. I'm also called Zebra, The Terrorist and several other things.

06)Screen Name(s): Ravensbloodzero

07)Date Of Birth: 28/02/1987

08)Place of Birth: Belfast.

09)Nationality: British - That's what it says on my passport.

10)Current Location: On a sofa at university, taking a break from my assignment

11)Sign: Pisces

12)Religion: My own

13)Height: 5'5" Maybe

14)Weight: It's not polite to ask a lady her weight. Or me for that matter.

15)Shoe Size: 7

16)Hair color: Naturally, Dark brown. Currently half natural, half pink.

17)Eye color: pale blue, most of the time

18) What do you look like? Confused, more often than not

19) Innie or Outie? Innie

20) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidexterous? Predominantly righty when writing but I do most other things with my left hand.

21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other?: Straight.



Do You Have...

38) Any sisters: No

39) Any brothers: One elder brother.

40) Any pets: Currently: 6 cats, 3 gineau pigs and a dog

41) A Disease: Life

42) A Pager: No

43) A Personal phone line: No

44) A Cell phone: Yes

45) A Lava lamp: Yes

46) A Pool or hot tub: In my dreams

47) A Car: 1998 Rover Metro. She's called Jezebel



Describe Your...

48) Personality: strange

49) Driving: cautious

50) Car or one you want: I have a white 1998 Rover Metro called Jezebel. She is possessed (think Christine) but amusing too. I want a Pontiac Transam, specifically K.I.T.T.

51) Room: At home, it's black and full of books. At uni, it's white (not allowed to paint it) and full of books

52) What's missing? At uni, my cat.

53) School: Attending Belfast Royal Academy (yes, BRA) from 1998 until 2005.

54) Bed: Black bed settee, black covers, camping matt

55) Relationship with your parent: Good, almost all of the time



Do You?

56) Believe in yourself: I do think I exist but I rarely have confidence in myself.

57) Do you believe in love at first sight? No. But I do believe in LUST at first sight.

58) Consider yourself a good listener: I'm told I am.

59) Consider yourself a good friend: I don't know.

60) Get Along with your parents: Mostly, yes

61) Save your e-mail conversations: Sometimes

62) Pray: I talk to myself if that's the same thing

63) Believe in reincarnation: Yes

64) Like to make fun of people: I can't help myself at times

65) Like to talk on the phone: I'm okay once I'm talking but I'm almost phobic about making calls

67) Like to drive: To be honest, not really. And I hate driving examiners

68) Get motion sickness: Not normally. I've had it only once.

69) Eat the stems of broccoli: No.

70) Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: I did before I stopped eating chicken.

71) Dream in color: Yes, but it's normally darker shades

72) Type with your fingers on home row: I type with them on whatever keys they're on. And yes I can touch type at least some of the time.

73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: I have some in my room, including a giant black panther at home



What Is/Are/Was...

74) Right next to you: My current univeristy assignment, or at least what I've done of it so far

75) On the walls of your room? A few posters at home. My noticeboard at uni

76) On your mouse pad: Bagpuss but I tend to just use the pressure pad on my laptop these days

77) Your dream car: Something sleek and sporty. Though I wouldn't mind a horse and carriage

78) Your dream date: Someone who makes me feel as though I actually mean something

79) Your dream honeymoon: I never plan to marry

80) Your dream husband/wife: I can't think about that right now

81) Your bedtime: Normally at about sunrise

82) Under your bed: Nothing at home, junk at uni.

83) The single most important question: When?

84) Your bad time of the day: Morning lectures or 4pm on the day an assignment is due

85) Your worst fear(s): Fear. And becoming dependent upon others.

86) What's the weather like? British

87) The time? 02:52

88) The date? March 10th 2007

89) The best trick you ever played on someone: I have to choose?

90) The weirdest food/drink that you like: Anything that passes my lips

91) Theme Song: I'm between songs right now

92) The hardest thing about growing up: Changes

94) Your scariest moment: Nearly dying

95) The silliest thing you've said: As if I would know

96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex: I don't think I've ever done anything to get their attention. I tend to hide a lot

97) The scariest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s): Something tried to kill us on the way back to campus

98) The worst feeling in the world: Knowing you've hurt someone you care about



Have You Ever?

99)Kissed your cousin: Thankfully not

100)Ran away: yes

101)Broken someone's heart: Not that I know of

102)Cried when someone died: Every single time

103)Wanted someone you knew you could never have: Yes.

104)Broken a bone: Right humerous when I was thrown from a horse when I was 11

105)Drank alcohol: I used to

106)Lied: Doesn't everyone?

107)Cried in school: Yes.



Do You Believe In?

108)Love at first sight: No

109)God: I believe in fate

110)Kisses on the first date: If it seems right

111)Monsters: The whole world is full of them. Many of them are human

112)Horoscopes: Not the kind you find in newspapers or magazines

113)Aliens: Yes

114)Ghosts: Yes

115)Heaven: Not the way most people think of it

116)Hell: Yes, it's also known as life

117)Cheating: No



Which Is Better?

118)Coca-Cola or Pepsi: Pepsi. I only like Diet Coke

119)Sprite or 7up: Both

120)Obese or Anorexic: Anorexic

121)Girls or Guys: For what?

122)Flowers or Candy: Both

123)Scruff or Clean Shaven: Clean shaven.

124)Quiet or Loud: Quiet

125)Pools or Hot Tubs: Pools

126)Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes.

127)Bitchy or Slutty: Bitchy.

128)Tall or Short: Tall

129)One pillow or Two: As many as feels right at the time

130)Pants or Shorts: Pants as in underwear or as in trousers?

131)Gap, American Eagle, Columbia: Pass



The Preferred Sex

132)What do you notice first: Eyes

133)Last person you slow danced with: No one.

134)Worst thing to do: Treat them badly

135)Best place to go to: Wherever feels right

136)Short or Long Hair: Long

137)Piercings or none: Piercings



The Last Time You

138)Showered: Yesterday since it's now past midnight

139)Had Sex: That's personal

140)Have been to a party: February 5th 2007. Charlotte's surprise birthday party

141)Had a great time with the opposite sex: With just the opposite sex or with other girls there too?

142)Your good luck charm: A bronze Abyssinian cat

143)Person you hate most: Myself

144)The worst song you've ever heard: Anything classed as modern Pop music

145)The best thing that happened to you today: I got some of my assignment done. Yeah, life sucks



Favourites

146)Colour: Black, unless you insist that it's only a shade. In that case, purple, red or silver

147)Movie: The first one that comes to mind is Nochnoi Dozor

148)Book: You cannot expect me to choose just one book

149)Subject in school: English when we were doing creative writing, Drama when we were working on a play, Biology for A level

150)Online pal: I don't really see people online very often these days. I miss Vivica, Enigma and Angel though

151)Cars: Sporty ones

152)Food: It's my greatest enemy

153)Ice cream: Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough

154)Soft Drink: Lemonade or strawberry squash

155)Sports to watch: Equestrian sports or dog agility

156)Holiday: Halloween

157)Season: Winter

158)Place to go with your honey: Wherever feels right at the time

159)Place to go with your friends: Wherever feels right at the time



Who?

160)Makes you laugh the most: My friends at uni. Before I got here I hardly ever laughed

161)Makes you smile: It may sound strange but my cat Fisho. Also, a certain guy. He knows who he is

162)Has a crush on you: No one anymore. I screwed up bigtime

163)Gives you kisses: My cat, Nuskie and my aunt's cat, Reaper. Yes, it's pathetic I know

164)Who has it easier - Girls or Guys?: For what?



Do You Ever?

165)Sit by the phone waiting for a call: I have in the past

166)Save Messenger Conversations: Sometimes, but only amusing parts of them

167)Save E-mails: If they matter

168)Wish you were someone else: Every day

169)Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: No

170)Wanted to look differently: With all my heart

171)Cried because of someone else's words: Yes. Too many times

Blue Hue, A Pigment, A Fragment
22:26 Mar 09 2007
Times Read: 782

I think I'm losing it. My assignment is driving me crazy. Also, tonight, I am going through a phase of plaiting my hair. It's being cut and re-dyed at the end of the month. Lagoon Blue, here we come.

Sleep Perchance To… Never Wake Up Again
03:42 Mar 09 2007
Times Read: 783

I’ve got so much to say right now and I’m not sure how to say most of it. I’m not even sure if I want to say it.



I just want to sleep right now but I’ve slept so much recently. Am I making up for all those all-nighters and the nights when I went to bed at five and got up at eight? It’s two am and I should be in bed but my mind won’t shut down so here I am to give an update of the last fortnight.



February 23rd/24th: Philippa and I pulled an all-nighter to make sure we were up to see three of our flatmates off on their eight day field trip to Spain. (Nice for some. My course has yet to take us as far as the other side of campus.) They very kindly allowed us to carry rucksacks for them. *rolls eyes* They also let the kitchen in an absolute state since they hadn’t washed up anything all week. They didn’t even rinse their bowls after breakfast. The solution? Unfortunately, an afternoon cleaning. We started by washing and drying everyone’s stuff and then progressed to cleaning the sideboards, hob, oven and eventually the floor. However, the cleaner (not that she actually cleans anything) keeps all supplies locked away so I brushed the floor with a small dustpan and brush and washed it with a cloth and washing up liquid. Yes, I did spend all afternoon on my hands and knees. Yes, there is photographic evidence. No, it would not have been erotic in any way.



Don’t ask me what I did the rest of the day or any of the following day. I don’t remember.



February 26th: Learnt how to use a heart rate monitor on a horse first thing in the morning and helped out with lambing last thing at night. Those were the most positive parts of the day.



Recently I’ve been having problems with the people I hang out with in lectures. Well, I say recently but it’s been this way since about November. They’re backstabbers but, with only seventeen people on my course, I can’t escape from them. I really didn’t want to work with them for this practical so when Ellie and Sioni asked me to work with them it seemed like a Godsend. Until I remembered that they hardly ever show up. Oh well, someone’s obviously watching over me. Even if it is a malicious god.



Only a week previously my Sports Horse Management lecturer said she was going to move our exam to mid-May. This day saw her announce that the exams would be in April. Mine is on the 12th. Less than twelve hours after I fly in. And there was me planning for a nice relaxing Easter break. I am terrified of that exam. There is no way in hell I could pass it right now so what good is another few weeks.



Kirsty and Racheal were on the daytime lambing shift (2pm to 10pm) today. Philippa went to visit them while I was in lectures and then the pair of us went down to the farm at eight pm. Some of the lambs were so small and we were there for four being born. Unfortunately, three died at the changeover of shifts. There were two little cheeky ones that we wanted to keep as pets but at £80 each and in a place that doesn’t allow pets, it wasn’t to be. Thankfully I wasn’t there when the farmer was talking about sending lambs, which were only minutes old, for meat. Or when he produced dinner, lamb chops, from the freezer. I stopped eating meat a few weeks ago after seeing exactly what is done to some of the animals but I don’t know if I can keep it up. I went vegetarian a number of years ago but then got really sick because I don’t eat fruit, most vegetables and many other foods so my body wasn’t getting what it needed. I’m not feeling so great at the minute but I’m taking vitamins and hoping it’s just a head cold.



February 27th: My final day of teenage-hood. I have no idea what I did all day other than that I must have been in lectures until 5pm.



February 28th: My twentieth (or twenteenth, according to my friend) birthday. A day I have been dreading. I hate my birthday because it is always disappointing. My former friends made it into the worst day of the year for me and now I play it down so much that people don’t really bother with it. On a good note, I got some new nose studs (thanks Megan) which were helpful as, after wearing the same stud for well over three years, I lost it and six others in the space of a few weeks and had to resort to wearing ones that I don’t really like. The only other present I’ll mention now is a book my brother picked out. It’s by my newest lecturer, who we only knew was going to be teaching us when she arrived about a month ago.



I spent a few hours in town with Philippa (after failing to catch four buses) while she bought birthday presents for James, Amy and me. I bought stuff for Amy’s surprise birthday party on the 14th. It’s going to be a real kids’ affair. But with alcohol. In the evening I played badminton. What an exciting birthday.



March 1st/2nd: I know I went to lectures. At least I think I did.



March 3rd: The geographers returned from Spain and were at each other’s throats constantly. Within hours the kitchen was a tip again.



March 4th: James’s family came to visit and brought his spaniel, Willow. I looked after him while they went for lunch. Willow that is, not James.



March 5th: James’s nineteenth birthday. I bought him a katana (So pretty, he almost didn’t get it – I like sharp implements), magnetic rocks, a foam plane and a pizza cutter. I got ID-ed for the pizza cutter. I don’t know what it is about this place. At home I could buy lottery tickets, cigarettes, alcohol and see 18’s at the cinema when I was fourteen and yet here I had to show ID for sparklers at Halloween when I was nineteen and for a pizza cutter five days after my twentieth birthday.



March 6th: Suicide seems like a really good idea at this stage.



March 7th: I was supposed to meet James, Kirsty, Philippa and Racheal at six pm for badminton but ended up being twenty minutes late as I had to help a pensioner. I think she was suffering from dementia and I know it wasn’t her fault but it really wasn’t something I needed this week.



March 8th: I woke up with a splitting headache. I’d blame alcohol if I actually drank. The day was too long and both shoulders are killing me tonight. I had yard duties this afternoon and today it was sweeping which would have been okay had they not asked four of us, the only four sweeping, to move about thirty sturdy barriers about sixty metres. And then we still had to finish working on the yard after that. People always say to have a hot shower when you’re sore but it makes my muscles tighten up. I had one anyway. I needed to get clean.



March 9th. We’re only a few hours into it but I’ll leave it alone for now. However, I will say that it is the deadline for a poetry competition but university has kept me to busy to write anything specific for it.



So what else is happening in my life?

Right now, the answer is too much. I just want term to end so I can go home but I have so much work to do before I leave next Friday.



We’ve been sorting out accommodation for next year. We’re just going to live on campus again (since we are in the middle of nowhere) but we went from having six people to having eleven and now we’re down to eight. There’s room for six people in a flat but there’s a few double flats on campus and they’re requested one of those. I don’t want to live with eleven other people. Too many people make me nervous. And I haven’t even met half of them yet. A girl called Lottie is supposed to be moving in with us. I don’t like her and neither did James until he did ONE Open Day with her. After that he asked her to live with us. I would say something but no one ever listens to me. Besides, I don’t know if I even want to come back here for second year.



I applied to undergo online counselling in January and had to be assessed. Today I got turned down for it and pretty much told to go and seek professional help. I think it would serve them right if I killed myself right now.



Everyone is really irritable at the minute. I think we all just want to term to end. I wish J and A weren’t at each other’s throats all the time.



I’m also having guy problems at the moment. I said I wasn’t going to get into a relationship because it would be too difficult maintaining it between two countries but there was a guy at home who liked me in September and now I don’t think he does anymore. I really screwed up. I wish I could fix things with him.



Everything is confusing me right now. I’ve got quite a few messages recently, mainly on MySpace, about being beautiful, cute, sexy, etc. and yet I really don’t believe I am. What is it that some people seem to see that I can’t see when I look in a mirror?



I have many things to do by the end of term but the most important one is my Nutrition assignment. Four write-ups, a lab book and a presentation. The deadline: Tuesday. I am so dead. If only I was being as prolific with it as with this journal entry.



Anyway, enough about my life for tonight, enjoy yours.



(Not that I think anyone actually reads this. If you do, send me a message some time and let me know.)

Such A Pathetic Fool
02:56 Mar 09 2007
Times Read: 784

I'm homesick. All I seem to do at the minute is sleep or cry. I hate this.

Outnumbered And On The Verge Of Tears
18:15 Mar 06 2007
Times Read: 788

There are far too many people in my flat right now and they're all ganging up on me. I think I'm going to go and hide under my desk again now.